All Better

It's been a while.. cause we are swamped.. literally.

Here's a not-so-recent (from August), but the most recent photo of the kids that I have.

However, backtracking... Liam is all better. Went back to the doc's to get the staples removed. That was an ordeal! Getting staples out was harder than having them put in. The doc had to take a break in-between removing the 2nd and 3rd staple because it was very painful and Liam was not having any of it. An icy, cold blue popsicle did the trick.

This is his head now. It's healed quite nicely and luckily minimal scarring. Warning, I added a clear before photo at the bottom for comparison.

Since this incident, kid has added other minor cuts and bruises to his injury count. Tripped over his own foot. Sorry kid.. I think you inherited my clumsy trait...

Winning or Learning

In competition, there will be a winner and a loser, but there is no losing (unless you quit), only learning. This was a lesson from a recently kids library book that we picked up and read. The simple point of the story followed the emotions and thoughts of two young siblings' journey into competitive sports as they joined a soccer team. It went through the ups and downs of emotions, thoughts, insecurities, and struggles of the siblings as they learned about perseverance, to work hard to develop in skill, and to understand a bigger, personal concept of competition and winning through the game of soccer. They were guided by their dad to view each challenge and loss as an opportunity to learn, and that true winning is about what you can gain through attitude and perspective. Great simple kid story that was so direct with the message.

When my kids struggle, whether they are frustrated with not being able to do something right, or they want to give up, I remind them that there is no losing, just learning and to find what they can learn from the situation to become better.

The story we read coincidentally came at a great time, a few weeks before Emilia's first jiujitsu competition!!

Let's start at the beginning. Our dojo hosted a local jiujitsu competition and encouraged the kids to participate. It would be good experience in a kid-friendly format and have more kids from our own dojo attend. I thought it was a great short term goal for Emilia to keep focused on as we encouraged her to practice and learn in her BJJ classes.

One of the moms at the dojo made signs for all the kids.

Competition experience is so different than regular practice at the dojo. When we walked into the gymnasium, there were so many people there - People in the stands, kids in their Gis warming up or playing on the 6 competition mat areas, people going about with a purpose, getting ready for the competitions... the referees, the coaches, photographers, nervous kids, parents, etc. The feeling in the air was that of excitement and nervous anticipation. I could see my kids looking around and observing, taking it all in.



Emilia was simply being Emilia.. which I love! I tried to get her to warm-up, maybe spar with some of the kids that she knows, but she was really just taking in the surroundings, eating some snacks, and practicing her version of "cartwheels". Competition environment? It didn't change how she goes about things.

Emilia's version of "Cartwheels"



The competition was soon starting, and the kids were lined up and sat on the edge of the mat where they would be competing on. Emilia's bracket was the TODDLER DIVISION, AGES 4-5. We did not sign up Liam for this because even though he qualifies in age, Liam just doesn't have the base concept down yet. However, he wanted his Gi on and wanted to be a part of this too.. so we let him sit with the rest of the kids.

Emilia's first match was the 2nd one on the mat. The first match were two kids from her dojo, Henry and Cohen. This is representative of what I expected from kids in the TODDLER division. Well.. okay.. maybe not as much spinning around...

Henry and Cohen's Match


Then Emilia was up. Her match was with an unknown kid, not from our dojo. I had watched the kid during pre-comp practice and was already nervous because the kid seemed more serious and aggressive than the kids Emilia is usually paired up with in class. I was hoping that it would be a good learning experience that would drive her to understand why she goes to practice and learns these skills.

E's Match


The match, actually most of it, turned out to be quite unexpected. Emilia impressed me as I can see her focused determination. Kudos for trying! However, at the end of this video, I stopped filming because I could her her little voice crying. It was just loud enough where I could hear how hurt she was.. combined with gasps of breath in between, I also knew she was trying so hard not to cry. What happened was the boy did an arm bar maneuver on her and the referee did not stop it in time. The arm went into full extension, and hyper-extended the elbow joint. Actually, even when the ref did stop the match, the boy didn't let go. The ref had to pry the kid's hands off of Emilia's arm. I have never had an arm bar done to me before, but from what I hear, it is pretty painful.

Luckily Ryan was there to help check on Emilia. That particular sound of Emilia's cry, one that she rarely ever makes, hits a deep mama instinct. In fact, the mama next to me put her arm around me. No parent wants to see their kid hurt.

At TODDLER bracket, I thought it was ridiculous that someone teaches a kid that's only learned bladder control for 1-2 years, how to do a highly skilled and potentially harmful move, and to use in competition. Emilia has not learned the arm bar move nor how to defend it or how to get out of it.

I was beyond mad and upset, not because she lost, but because she was hurt in such an unprepared and unfair way. I could hear the other kid's dad in the background yelling "Arm bar! Arm bar!" while my brain was processing "Wait... kids do arm bars at this age? Emilia doesn't know arm bar!".

However, Emilia amazed me. This is PROUD MAMA MOMENT... she obviously didn't win, in fact, she was utterly crushed...(had to forfeit her 2nd match). But after we iced her elbow, filled her with the best medicine - candy, and gave into her every request the rest of the day, I asked her what she thought of the day's event and how she felt. She said to me "My arm hurt a lot. I really tried my best, but I didn't know the arm bar. I'll need to learn more and maybe next time I can win a gold necklace. Can we go to the beach?" (Note: She wants the gold medal because it is a pretty necklace!)

That's it. She didn't blame me, nor her instructors, nor the boy, nor the unfair match-up, nor the boy's parents that kept yelling for the arm bar during the match (and again at the sandbagger's 2nd match!), nor the judge (who felt really bad), AND she didn't blame herself (unlike me with lots of guilt). She was happy with her effort, and the rest of the situation, she accepted it as "it just is" and moved on to enjoy a beautiful sunny beach day.

As for mama, I learned as well. I spent the next week researching the culture of jiujitsu, learning about the different dojos and their teaching philosophies. Many dojos, non-Gracie affiliated, are geared towards sport jiujitsu, which is winning competitions versus a more practical nature of self defense in a nurturing environment. The dojo we go to is more focused on character development, which is why Emilia has not learned arm bars and chokes yet. This puts the kids at a disadvantage for competitions. That should have been stressed and made aware to the parents! However, apparently the topic of teaching young kids technical and potentially dangerous moves of joint locks and choke holds are highly debated, even though it is common in sport jiujitsu.

My kid's journey and experiences will be her own, no matter how much I try to control the situation and protect her, life is life. It will be unfair and unexpected. Situations like this only help prepare her better to face the unknown future. Somewhere, somehow... my little girl already inherently has the right attitude and perspective. She takes a loss as an opportunity to learn. In fact, she was mimicking the arm bar move at home the other day, solely learned from watching and observing because again, she hasn't been taught. Her heart, her mentality, her attitude.. is pure gold. She doesn't need to win one. She knows how to approach life, at 6 years of age, more than most people. Way to go baby girl!

Oh Liam!

While Emilia got away with jumping down an entire flight of stairs without any injuries, Liam is the opposite. Non-dramatic, Liam tumbled awkwardly onto his elbow while throwing a tantrum in bed. His fall was no more than 2-3 feet onto a soft cushioned mattress.

With an acute fracture of the elbow, Liam will be in a cast for the next 4 weeks. Poor buddy. He is not happy.

On top of that, all of us (except Ryan of course) have been sick for the past 4 days with low-grade fever and cold symptoms. Sigh!

Knee Update : ACL Surgery - Done. Recovery at 3.27%

ACL surgery went smoothly. All the other ligament injuries appear to have healed. No sign of bone fractures. No additional repair needed for meniscus. ACL reconstructed with patellar tendon, and extra-articular augment was done with hamstring tendon. Doc says my knee looks like a 12-year old knee with no sign of age degeneration, arthritis, or wear-and-tear. All good.

Recovery though has been a different story. Today is day 6 post-surgery. According to calculations (assuming a 6-month speedy recovery), I am only at 3.27% of being recovered. Sigh. The doc did say that unfortunately it will take making my knee worse (with surgery) before it will become better.

The first 36 hours post-surgery were... indescribable, excruciating pain. It radiated from every, single pain receptor of the innermost knee and throughout the calf and thigh. Even with max dose of oxocodone, the pain was relentlessly sharp, burning, and stabbing. There was no relief, and as painful as it was, if I tried in vain to move to find a more comfortable position, intense throbs of pain attacked leaving no nerve untouched in the wrath. If flexed any muscle.. again surging, intolerable pain. I ran a low fever at 101 and went from feeling hot to cold. All I could do was recall my hypno-bithing mantras to make feeble attempts at mindfully pleading with my leg to not move and let the pain engulf. Managing child birth was successful. Managing ACL reconstruction.. failed. It made child birth seem like a walk in the park.

Break-through relief came after I was able to get a few hours of drug-induced sleep at which point I knew the drugs were finally working. The pain was still present, but felt more manageable. Day 4, I was able to stop taking pain meds all together. I choose to get off meds early because I don't like the side-effects. However, it means I have to tolerate the lingering throbs of pain and frequent sharp twinges randomly in all areas. In hindsight, maybe I should have stayed on the pain meds longer... Day 4 also allowed us to remove surgical dressings and see the extent of the damage. Yikes! It is definitely one unhappy knee right now. Swelling is still very much present in the entirety of the leg and lots of bruising.

It is now Day 6 post-op. I started rehab on Day 3 by spending 2-3 hours a day using a Continuous Passive Motion (CPM) machine which automatically bends and extends my leg. I also have a list of exercises to do with the first initiative to reactivate my muscles and work on range of motion (ROM). The quads, hamstring, calf muscles have pretty much shut down due to the trama from the surgery. So until they start taking orders from higher up (aka the brain) versus the nervous system over-ride, I am pretty much still very limited. Standing, walking, even sitting upright can only be done in short spurts. Lying down with the leg elevated, while uncomfortable, is still, at this point, the best I can do. I'm fully understanding now why they say recovery typically takes 6-12 months... it's definitely been tougher than I imagined.

Update : The Details of the Knee

Apparently, we forgot about this blog. Thanks for the emails asking how things are! Here is the latest update on the knee.

I will be undergoing knee surgery for ACL reconstruction very, very soon. The extent of my injuries from the mishap in June was a torn-ACL, a couple other partial-tearing of surrounding ligaments -PCL and MFL. Small tear in the backside of the meniscus, and bone fractures and contusion on the outside corner of the tibia and femur bones. I was on the borderline for knee dislocation if the other ligaments had been damaged worse than they are. So, the past two months were spent researching and becoming a knee expert. I obtained referrals from friends (especially thanks to Kelly!), co-workers, and strangers (befriended Ninja Warriors for their feedback and lots of random strangers would stop to talk to me about their ACL surgeries), sought out review for best surgeons in town and ultimately met with 3 different well-regarded orthopaedic surgeons. I researched different methods of ACL reconstruction, the pros and cons, different recovery methods, statistical analysis and medical journals on alternative approaches as well as newer techniques of reconstruction, yadda, yadda, yadda. Pretty much, I had three people (two of them being doctors) ask me if I'm an engineer from my line of questioning and detailed analysis. I guess at least it validates my profession. =P

The point to note here is that the surgeon, choices for reconstruction method, and physical therapy will impact future athletic ability. The first docs recommended a standard procedure and emphasized a lifestyle change with no more high-impact sports. The third doc said the whole point of ACL reconstruction is to hopefully allow one to go back to being active. His recommendation was for a standard procedure as well, but using a donor tendon which would allow for the fastest/easiest recovery. Statistical data, though, shows donor has a higher rate of re-tear. His comment was that it would not matter since I am "older", which puts me in the "less active". Obviously, he didn't watch my video...

So... we know of great comeback stories from NFL football players. Not only football players, but Tiger Woods, Steph Davis (rock climber), even Ninja Warriors (Drew Dreschel and Luis Moco). Some are "older", and have recovered to being stronger and better than before. Changing my lifestyle is unacceptable. So, the second doc was my doc of choice, a newcomer in town, with no personal referrals for him, but his background was head physician for the sports' team at a well-known college for NCAA Division I sports. As well as he has published papers on newer methods of ACL reconstruction. So I knew he was up-to-date on latest research AND that he's performed the newer, complex methodologies. During our meeting, he watched my video of the injury incident and identified how the injury occurred. In fact, my injury is very common among women athletes. He took into consideration that I would like to return back to ninja-ing and obstacle racing, and recommended a procedure to provide the best, strongest knee possible for a comeback. The surgery will combine the best of the traditional, Bone-Patellar Tendon-Bone ACL repair for strength (which is the golden standard for football players) combined with an additional extra-articular augment that compensates for rotational torque (which is what is lacking in traditional ACL repairs based on latest research). This method is an alternative to the controversial double-bundle approach (short terms studies show it controls rotational torque better.. no long term research data, but downfall is a complex procedure with 2x recovery time) which Tiger Woods and Steph Davis both had used. Long story short... I'm so glad I did my research.

Anyhow, it's amazing how fragile the ACL is. I have been stopped by so many strangers and engaged in half-hour long conversations about their ACL injury, surgery choices, and recovery. Two people jokingly welcomed me to the ACL club, as this is so common. It seems as if anyone that's gone through this experience, recognizes the robo-leg (I have been wearing for the past two months) and is more than eager to extend their sympathies as well as share their experience along with advice and tips. I have had young and old stop and talk to me and injuries ranging from tripping on the last step of the stairs, to major skiing wipeout, to someone stepping on their foot while pivoting in basketball, or jumping off a roof (okay.. that one, you know who you are!).

Ryan's also been keeping me up to date on the latest football statistics. This year being unusually high for the number of ACL injuries sustained already, and it is only pre-season! The great news is that there have also been exceptional comeback stories.. with players coming back stronger than before and shorter amount of time of rehab. The typical rehab will be 6-12 months. And Adrian Peterson came back in 5 months from surgery!

Part III: "Alpha! Alpha! ALPHA!!".... ALCATRAZ

The grand finale of the obstacle elements resided in a structure, appropriately called "Alcatraz". It is a 3-tiered structure of galvanized piping, enclosed tunnels of crawl space, and challenges the mental aspect of overcoming the fear of heights. The obstacles themselves are not as technical as previous ones, though Alcatraz demands focus, overcoming fear of heights, and requires upper body strength and endurance. Here in Alcatraz, resided my childhood nemesis, Tree Tops. It also contained, one of my favorite childhood playground activities, monkey bars (or as they call it here, Gorilla bars).

Gorilla Bars - Oh Gorilla bars! You are suppose to be my easy, piece-of-cake obstacle. This was the start of 3 microsecond split decision mistakes that I made that ultimately affected my outcome.

Oh. My. NEMESIS. At a childhood camp experience, I encountered a ropes challenge called the "Leap of Faith". It was part of a ropes course challenge geared towards encouraging teamwork and trust. The last element of that rope's challenge was to climb up to the top of a tree (of course safety harnessed in) and jump out onto a platform and then climb down a ladder. Back then, I recall not being able to focus on jumping to the platform. Seeing the ground below, 25-30 feet down, was paralyzing to the legs. Needless to say, I did not make the jump and held on to the harness as they lowered me down.

Tree Tops --> Various levels of platforms to hop across roughly 30 feet in the air. The distances between the platforms varied as well, though I would estimate no more than 5 feet wide. This was definitely a mental challenge and really not much of a physical one.

Roger's 1st attempt... made it on 2nd.


Ryan on TreeTops


Connie's knee buckling on TreeTops

... cries of "ALPHA! ALPHA! ALPHA!" and an Alcatraz rescue/extraction operation begins..

Kelly on TreeTops



Broken Bars --> They are vertical, horizontal, skewed, higher, and lower hanging bars that move. So the challenge is that you do not have a consistent movement or grip while traversing them.

The initial move goes from minimal momentum getting on the first bar, to having to reach up high to a second uneven bar. Not an easy move. This IS Kelly's AWESOMENESS as anyone will clearly see. First attempt seems daunting...


but she follows through with Determination. Tenacity. 110% sheer toughness. All done with a smile. =) So glad the GoPro captured this so I could replay and see it!


Keith on Broken Bars


The End.

Alpha Warrior completed!

The joy of victory... and oh, the agony of defeat!
Overall, Alpha Warrior's obstacles were challenging, but not as hard as we thought it would be. It is definitely doable for the average athlete, and seems more about technique. Grip strength was a plus, which seemed to come easy to the rock climbers of our group. I should have thought better about the grip strength, as Gorilla Bars with gloves was my first downfall mistake. Split second decision to use gloves to protect the hands resulted in very slippery grip. Second mistake was to make an attempt with the gloves, knowing it was slippery. A fluke awkward fall led to injury of the knee, though I did not think anything of it at the time and continued. Third mistake. I continued onto TreeTops and TreeTops finished off the knee. Initial ortho consultation indicates ACL injury.. so, looks like I'm going to be out for a while, at least for the 2013/2014 season. I am bummed as I will not be able to compete in any more races for a long while.. as well as the road to recovery will not be an easy one. I have spent a week eating sweet sugary comfort foods as I re-focus on what is next. The unexpected, though not welcomed, is an opportunity to switch gears and to create new goals. Regardless of the outcome, Alpha Warrior was a great experience. It was fun for the family and friends, and it was great to really focus and develop a disciplined training. I will Alpha again... if it comes back around in 2-3 more years. =P