This post is mostly for myself. Lately I have been having a hard time with Emilia. Actually.. probably the past year. =P This stage is called the "Terrible Twos" afterall... but really, it's not her that is terrible, but me. 2s and 3s are the age when there is an awareness that they have an individual identity and own consciousness. They exert it through challenging what we ask of them, stating their opinions and wants. This is what they are suppose to do and the journey of self understanding and confidence starts now for them. So, I am suppose to encourage them and foster that independence. Not the easiest. Whether it be a temper tantrum or constant "nos" or just not listening, I find myself with a short temper, impatient, and resorting to negative disciplining. Sigh.
Truth be told, to be a good parent has nothing to do with how cute of a lunch box I can make my kids or what I can give them. Those are the easy parts. The hard part is, at the end of the day, I feel too tired or too short-tempered or too stressed about all that needs to be done, to deal with situations and I take the easy way out.. which usually ends up with a crying, dejected little girl. Not only am I stripping her of an invaluable trait of self, but I am teaching her that conflict resolution is through yelling, time outs, and pretty much forcing my will on her. At the end of the day, more often than not, I know I can handle these situations better and that I can be a better parent. The way I deal with the situation is what needs to change. So, I am posting this because with any of the self-improvement programs, the first step is admitting the problem. Also, since I'm posting this, that means it is public and I have to follow through with what I say!
Belated New Years resolution is for me to learn how to parent. I thought parenting comes naturally, but I find I parent based on my limited knowledge and what I have experienced, not necessarily what is most beneficial for my kid and her personality. I was recommended this book by another mom who told me this book changed her life and relationship with her kid.
Easy to Love, Difficult to Disclipline by Rebecca Bailey
It's better I learn this now than when Emilia is a teenager!
Monday, February 4, 2013
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Connie, I can totally relate! We, as parents, are all just figuring it out as we go. This morning was one of those super-tough tantrum-filled non-stop-"no!" times from the time Calvin woke up until I left him crying in his preschool classroom. I was pretty proud of myself for handling it patiently and calmly (this time) and not having my own tantrum. I've certainly had my share. I'm learning, though, as all parents do their first time around. Hang in there! And thanks for sharing the book - I'll look for it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Monica! I was thinking another perspective is that our kids are actually teaching us right now. They are teaching us how how to be patient and our own self-control during non-negotiable situations (kiddies do not negotiate). Thanks for sharing too!! =)
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